I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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