I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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