Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
