oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
