brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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