k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
