I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
