My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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