Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
