sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
