We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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