if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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