can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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