Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
