Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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