This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
