why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
