every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
