you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
