I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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