Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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