If i come over, it means nothing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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