I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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