I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
