Acid is not a monday night drug
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
