i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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