Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
