Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
