Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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