Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
