the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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