that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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