He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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