she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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