Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
