You smell like stripper and shame
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
