Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
