cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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