problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
