Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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