u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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