She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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