Yo dont text me then not text me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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