i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
