Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
