Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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