At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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