when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
