When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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