You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
