I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
