The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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