So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
