my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
