your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
