just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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