You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
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how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A bitchslap is in order.
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