Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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