So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
